How to identify Likable People by these 13 exceptionally Habits
Too many
people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likable comes from natural,
untraceable traits that belong only to a lucky few - the good looking, the
fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this
misconception. In reality, being likable is under your control, and it’s a
matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).
In a study
conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived
significance to likeability. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with
being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead,
the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding
(another person).
I did some
digging to uncover the key behaviours that emotionally intelligent people
engage in that make them so likable. Here are 13 of the best:
1. They Ask
Questions
The biggest
mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re so focused on what
they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to
affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. The words come through
loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.
A simple way
to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know you’re
listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows that you
are not only listening, you also care about what they’re saying. You’ll be
surprised how much respect and appreciation you gain just by asking questions.
2. They Put
Away Their Phones
Nothing will
turn someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick
glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all of your
energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable
and effective when you immerse yourself in them.
3. They Are
Genuine
Being
genuine and honest is essential to being likable. No one likes a fake. People
gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them.
It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how
they really feel.
Likable
people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their
own skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an
individual, you become a much more interesting person than if you attempt to
win people over by making choices that you think will make them like you.
4. They
Don’t Pass Judgment
If you want
to be likable you must be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable
and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who
has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.
Having an
open mind is crucial in the workplace where approachability means access to new
ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see
the world through other people’s eyes. This doesn’t require you believe what
they believe or condone their behavior, it simply means you quit passing
judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can
you let them be who they are.
5. They
Don’t Seek Attention
People are
averse to those who are desperate for attention. You don’t need to develop a
big, extroverted personality to be likable. Simply being friendly and
considerate is all you need to win people over. When you speak in a friendly,
confident, and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more
attentive and persuadable than if you try to show them you’re important. People
catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude
than what—or how many people—you know.
When you’re
being given attention, such as when you’re being recognized for an
accomplishment, shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help you
get there. This may sound cliché, but if it’s genuine, the fact that you pay
attention to others and appreciate their help will show that you’re
appreciative and humble—two adjectives that are closely tied to likeability.
6. They Are
Consistent
Few things
make you more unlikable than when you’re all over the place. When people
approach you, they like to know whom they’re dealing with and what sort of
response they can expect. To be consistent you must be reliable, and you must
ensure that even when your mood goes up and down it doesn’t affect how you
treat other people.
7. They Use
Positive Body Language
Becoming
cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain
they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an
enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning
towards the person whose speaking are all forms of positive body language that
high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the
difference in a conversation.
It’s true
that how you say something can be more important
than what you say.
8. They
Leave a Strong First Impression
Research
shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven
seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally
justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing
this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likeability. First
impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Strong posture, a
firm handshake, smiling, and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking
to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.
9. They
Greet People by Name
Your name is
an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it.
Likable people make certain they use others’ names every time they see them.
You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet him. Research shows that
people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by
name during a conversation.
If you’re
great with faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it and make
remembering people’s names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don’t be
afraid to ask her name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it.
You’ll need to keep her name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time
you see her.
10. They
Smile
People
naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re
talking to. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation
and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.
11. They
Know When to Open Up
Be careful
to avoid sharing personal problems and confessions too quickly, as this will
get you labeled a complainer. Likable people let the other person guide when
it’s the right time for them to open up.
12. They Know
Who to Touch (and They Touch Them)
When you
touch someone during a conversation, you release oxytocin in their brain, a
neurotransmitter that makes their brain associate you with trust and a slew of
other positive feelings. A simple touch on the shoulder, a hug, or a friendly
handshake is all it takes to release oxytocin. Of course, you have to touch the
right person in the right way to release oxytocin, as unwanted or inappropriate
touching has the opposite effect. Just remember, relationships are built not
just from words, but also from general feelings about each other. Touching
someone appropriately is a great way to show you care.
13. They
Balance Passion and Fun
People
gravitate toward those who are passionate. That said, it’s easy for passionate people
to come across as too serious or uninterested because they tend to get absorbed
in their work. Likable people balance their passion with the ability to have
fun. At work they are serious, yet friendly. They still get things done because
they are socially effective in short amounts of time and they capitalize on
valuable social moments. They minimize small talk and gossip and instead focus
on having meaningful interactions with their coworkers. They remember what you
said to them yesterday or last week, which shows that you’re just as important
to them as their work.
Hi readers,
if you have any comment or contributions to make into this topic, you are
welcome. Thanks!
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